Reaching Heavenward

Emotionally Connected

How do we personally turn towards our spouse? Dr. Gottman talked about how in our relationships we have, what he calls “Bids” this is when you are actively seeking your spouses “attention, affection, humor, or support” They are the things we do each day to interact with our sweetheart. It is the little things that turn us towards each other that really strengthen our love and bond. If I’ve had a rough day it means the world to me if my husband does the dishes, or cooks something for dinner (a quesadilla is the best dinner ever when you don’t have to make it!) or when he rubs my feet when they hurt after a long day at work. These are the things that mean more to me than if he took me to a 5-star restaurant, or if we took some expensive getaway.

Gottman also touched on how Hollywood has made romance and relationships unrealistic. We always see how the couple goes on this epic adventure and they check off everything on their bucket list, then just when you thought everything was doomed, the guy shows up wearing a tux and is holding a dozen red roses. They live happily ever after in their perfect little bubble. See how there is such a twisted view of how love actually works. Not every day will you experience this grand adventure, nor will your husband have the money to buy a dozen red roses every week. People get the false impression that because their relationship isn’t thrilling, or exciting all the time, then there must be something wrong. I assure you there is nothing wrong. Some of the sweetest moments in my marriage happen in the kitchen. Yes, growing up I always fantasized about getting married and dancing in the kitchen together… I know it’s cheesy! That is something that my husband has always initiated. In the most unexcepted times he will grab me and start slow dancing, just like I always dreamed. This is something so simple, but it makes me fall in love with my husband all over again.

Do we do the little things in our marriage, like dancing in the kitchen, picking up on our spouse’s bids that they need to vent about their day, or just playing a game together to relax from our stresses? Nothing is more important than your marriage and your family. Let us take some time this week to really turn towards our spouse, towards our marriage, focusing on their needs first. I think we will see a world of difference and our love growing stronger each day.