Reaching Heavenward

Cherish Your Spouse

If you were to ask my husband what it felt like the first time, we ever held hands, he would say, “it felt like electricity shot up my arm!” You could say this was contributed to the fact that I was the one who initiated the handholding. I like to believe that it was because he genuinely liked me, and it was so exciting to know that I liked him back. Throughout dating and our engagement, it felt as though we never lost that spark of electricity. Now that we are married it’s still there but it’s a new kind of spark, one that has to be consistently powered and protected.

Dr Gottmen talks about our “love maps” and how we use these to navigate our love and knowledge for our spouse. Are we regularly getting to know our spouse? do we know what their likes and dislikes are? do we verbally show our appreciation for all their hard work and help? Once you marry people often stop making the efforts to really get to know their companion, but I believe that you need to still continue to date your spouse even after you’ve made that commitment to always be with that person. My husband and I made the goal that we would have date night every week no matter what. I can tell a difference in our marriage when we have set aside time to just really be together, to talk about things we like and things we want to learn about each other. By strengthening our relationship through our friendship, it helps us get through hard times when we can know how to help one another.

Every marriage will have its struggles, its miscommunications, its rough days, its bad moods, and so on, what is important to remember is how we don’t let these trials taint our feelings towards our husband or wife. We can’t let every good thing be ruined by one bad thing that happens. I know that sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me and I’ll be angry at my husband for something and it will put me in a mood all day, by doing this I put on metaphorical blinders where I can only focus on that one problem, I then can’t see how my husband came to pick me up from work so I didn’t have to walk in the cold, how he washed all the dishes, hung my coat up after I through it on the couch, only to sit there patiently while I rant about my problems and how upset I am. If I would have thought about how appreciative I was for all that he does and didn’t let myself put on those blinders I could have said thank you instead of being critical. The impact of just having loving and good thoughts about our spouses can make a world of difference.

Next time you get annoyed from something your spouse does, think about the time that they surprised you at work with your favorite snack, or all the times you slowed danced in the kitchen, think of a time when you truly loved and appreciated them . Let the good outweigh the bad and you will find that you fall back in love time and time again.