Welcome to My New Blog

Dating

Let’s get down to the real nitty gritty. Dating. Doing a fun activity, basically just playing 20 questions with your date, and you know that food is going to be involved sometime during the night. Sounds like a good time, right? Then why is it that when couples become “official” they rarely go out on dates but rather just “hangout.” Some might say that it’s just easier to hangout than to have to pay or think of something to do on a date, or they might say that they are dating, they just don’t go out and do anything different from their normal daily routine. Let me ask you, do think this could have a negative effect in a relationship? Absolutely it can!

Studies have shown that the going through different experience together helps you to know more about that person and to learn how to solve problems, which you can’t do if you don’t get out and do something different than what is routine. When you have experienced things together you will find that you actually have more things to talk about and connect on, it’s like when you meet someone who has gone through a traumatic experience similar to one you had, don’t you feel like there is almost this instant connection between you? It’s the same kind of principle with dating, the more you go through together connects you.

Why do people like to belittle, or skip dating altogether? I think that another big part of this is the how the culture has changed. It more of the social norm now to not really date but rather to “hookup” instead. But what people don’t realize is that when the relationship is more physical it’s often lacking in other areas. Dr. John Van Epp created what he calls the “RAM” model. There are 5 categories that he separates into:

1. Know
2. Trust
3. Rely
4. Commitment
5. Touch

The point of the RAM model is to show healthy levels that we should have within each category in a relationship. Starting with the first one, know should be the highest level working its way down to the last one, touch, this should be the lowest level. For us to have a happy healthy relationship we should follow this model or something very similar to it. Going on dates is one of the main ways to build a deep connection with your companion.

When my husband and I first started dating we tried to go on a date every Friday, we still continue to follow that goal now that we are married. It’s so easy to get caught up in doing a routinely date every week but it’s when we really put some thought into it that we really have fun and learn more about each other. I’ve seen the difference in my own life and the lives of others just how going out keeps you emotionally attached and helps keep the flam going. All relationships need a little romance to keep it alive. No matter how old you get, no matter how long you’ve been together, no matter what the circumstance may be, put a little romance back in your life.