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Family Culture

Family Culture, it’s something that every family has whether or not they know it. Often, we won’t even realize what our family culture is until your circumstances have changed or there has been a shift in your family.

When I was a single student at college living in an apartment with five other girls, sometimes it was obvious and other times it was not so obvious the various and diverse family cultures that each of us grew up in. These differences are usually the cause of contention between the roommates because we all had a different way of doing things. I am the youngest of six kids in my family and because there was a lot of us, we would go through a lot of dishes. There was this unspoken rule that all the kids knew and followed. If you had a drinking cup out you were responsible to keep track of it, and only when you were done using it were you to put it next to the sink. Putting the cup next to the sink was a sign that the cup was dirty, and it was okay to be washed because you were done using it. If the cup was not dirty, or you weren’t done yet you were to put it anywhere else but next to the sink. This was just normal protocol for our family. Once I got to college, I continued to follow suit without giving it a second thought. It’s wasn’t until about halfway through my first semester that one of my roommates had a major fit about how I would leave my cup on the counter. Apparently, her family culture was quite the opposite of mine. She continued to yell at me about how cups are to be placed by the sink no matter what. It never occurred to me before that moment that me leaving my cup sitting around would bother some people. I felt bad that this had obviously been bothering my roommate for a while and I had no idea I was doing something “wrong” in her eyes.

After the whole incident I tried my best to remember to put my cup next to the sink, this wasn’t easy for me because it was a shift in my culture. I then became very aware of my actions, partly because I was afraid that I would do something that would upset my roommate without meaning to.

Family cultures can be a good or a bad thing depending on the situation. My family was always very affectionate growing up. I was very blessed to grow up in a home where I saw the love my parents had for each other and for us kids. There was never a question of their love, we never had to guess because It was something that they said to us very frequently. Hugs were a big part of my family culture, you hug when you say hi, you hug when you say bye, you hug when you say good night. It wasn’t until my older sister got married that we noticed how often we were affectionate with each other. My brother in law in the beginning didn’t like hugs, but over the years has learned to embrace it. He knows that when he comes to visit there will be lots of hugging and he doesn’t mind anymore.

There will always be difference in family cultures but as we start to recognize them, we can learn to except and cultivate them. Family is all about learning and growing together and as individuals to make up a happy family unit.