Divorce and Blended Families
Divorce is like an unopened can of worms, we think that it’s not going to be that bad but once you open it’s far worse and harder than you ever imagined. It seems like no matter how hard you try to contain it; it just keeps spilling over the sides. There are certain situations where it is better for you to get a divorce, like when there is abuse but I think that in our society today people give up too easily. Marriage isn’t something that you can just opt out of when you want, it takes a lot of hard work and commitment. Studies have shown that %50 of those who chose to work things out after an affair actually had a stronger and happier marriage than before. Now I’m not saying that couples should have an affair on purpose to fix their marriage, what I’m trying to get across is that change is real, and is possible, it just takes time, healing, and growth. Both must be willing to work at fixing what is broken. When there are major issues not every marriage can be saved, but every married deserved a chance to be.
Divorce is a hard thing for every family member involved and often the troubles don’t stop once the divorce happens. Usually when the divorced is finalized is when a lot of the problems begin. The parents now have legal obligations and restrains, when it comes to child support and visitation rights. The children now feel guilty about how much time they are spending with either parent, they usually are switching off weeks or weekends at different parents’ house and let’s not forget the issue of remarrying.
Once a parent remarries the kids are now part of what we call a, “blended Family” more often than not, a parent will marry someone who has also been divorced or widowed and has kids. It’s rare but sometimes the parent will marry someone who hasn’t been married before. But in most cases blended families are joining two separate families into one. This can be very confusing and hard on the kids. Let’s say that the kid’s mom gets remarried and now they are a part of this new blended family, there is a lot they the parents and the kids have to learn in this new family system. Not only do the kids have this so call “new family” but they are also still part of the old one with their dad. With a nuclear family most parents go from a dyadic to a triadic family where they have had time to prepare for their family of 2 to go to a family of 3. With remarried families they don’t have that smooth transition into a new family structure, it’s more abrupt and everything hits all at once. If you think about how the kids are now dealing with not just one set of parents but multiple parental relationships. It’s possible that there could be 7 different relationships with each of the parents and the kids. If you take one child and you look and the individual relationship that it has with the mom, then the stepdad, then the actual dad that’s 3, then you add the relationship between the mom and step dad, and then their relationship to the child that’s 2 more relationships, and on top of that the mom still has to be in contact with the real father for legal purposes, and then finally they still have their relationship with the child. Can you see how that would be so overwhelming for the kids? They say that it takes 2 years for remarried family to adjust and get into a rhythm of things. It is possible to have some sense of normalcy in your blended family, but it takes time.
Life don’t often go as we plan, and sometimes we are handed difficult situations, but as we have discovered together through this post there is light at the end of the tunnel. Whether you are trying to save your marriage, or you are trying to build a happy blended family, there is hope! We must have patients and love through these hard times and happiness will come, we just have to work for it.
This is Our Happy Place 